You’re Right, Fibromyalgia and Sex Is Not Easy (10 Tips To Help)

Fibro and Sex, sounds like an oxymoron right? I have have taken a lot of time thinking and researching on this subject. It is personal to me and affects my life too.

So many of you have sent me personal messages in distress about your sex life. After reading the emails and responses to my poll on facebook, I knew that this was an important subject that I had to write about. So many of us struggle with fatigue and chronic pain due to fibro. I know that this is a very personal subject, but one that needs to be addressed.  There is hope and I have a few tips and tricks towards the end of this article that will hopefully help!

Lets be honest:

I know that the pain of sex can be overwhelming. Then not having a sex life can be even harder and more painful, especially emotionally. This can make it so much easier to disconnect from your spouse all together. I would like to encourage you today, not to give up on your spouse. So many give up their romantic aspirations in fear of the pain or further injury of the physical or mental aspects of sex.

Sexual dysfunction in patients with Fibromyalgia have not received the attention it needs in comparison with the other factors of the disease (Orellana, Gratacos, Galisteo & Larrosa, 2009).

I have truly sat back and thought about my own personal experiences trying to deal with this disease and still have a libido. It is not always easy. I am very blessed to have a very understanding and supportive husband, but our sex life is not always easy due to my illness. I hope this article helps with understanding the normal symptoms and difficulty with sexual performance. I have done my research. I am not just going off of personal experience so please hang in there.

The Truth About Fibro & Sex:

According to WebMD(2014), many with fibromyalgia experience loss of libido while others have a healthy libido. It is not unusual to hear of complaints when dealing with a chronic illness such as fibromyalgia. The research shows that it is important to still try to have a healthy sex life with your partner. Not only does sex keep you close as a couple, but it also helps provide natural endorphins which battle pain and increase your well being as a whole. Let’s talk about the facts…

Sexual Function

Per Orellana, Gratacos, Galisteo & Larrosa, 2009, the sexual function of all humans depend on and involve several physical, psychological and cultural aspects. The physical aspects of sexual function are age, hormones and status of health. The psychological aspects of sexual function are the environmental stress include depression and anxiety. The cultural or social aspects include things such as your background and/or beliefs. Some of you may say, “well duh”. These things are not always intertwined when discussing the loss of sexual function and desire (Orellana, Gratacos, Galisteo & Larrosa, 2009).

Physical

The physical aspects of Fibromyalgia dictate the entire physical being. Pain and fatigue are the most common complaints of the FM (Fibromyalgia) patients. The fact is pain and fatigue also lead to low self esteem. I don’t know about you, but I have found myself in so much pain which leads to the psychological factors. I do not remember what it is like to wake up pain free, do you? This carries a huge toll on our psyche (Orellana, Gratacos, Galisteo & Larrosa, 2009).

Psychological

Along with the physical, the mental toll on us seems almost greater. The depression, anxiety, low self esteem and even the sense of sexual abuse are a common factor in the sex life of FM patients. It is depressing! To deal with physical pain 24/7 causes so much anguish. I have found myself dealing with terrible anxiety due to prolonged exposure to the physical elements. The psychological leads to environmental issues (Orellana, Gratacos, Galisteo & Larrosa, 2009).

Environmental

Relationships come with stress. Stress can effect us in many ways such as sleep disorders, decrease in activity and personal relationship issues with our partners and even extended family. It is hard to deal with stress when we are having to deal with so many other factors (Orellana, Gratacos, Galisteo & Larrosa, 2009).

ALL of these things can lead to a sexual dysfunction and relationship dysfunction. Most of FM patients are women. Women encompass all these things when it comes to sex and relationships. It is not just one factor that leads to issues in our lives. I recently went to my gynecologist and discussed these very things. She explained that though the physical can be to blame for relationship issues, the psychological and environmental factors almost play a larger part with our gender.

Reasons for Loss of Sex Drive

There are a couple reasons for loss of sex drive. Obviously, the most common reason is the chronic pain. Many of us suffer from muscle stiffness, pain or tender point pain, muscle spasms and elevated inflammation. Due to these common factors, medicine is used to battle the affects. This can be a problem. Medication affects your sex life!

Effects of Medicine

Not known to many, the medication commonly used for fibromyalgia can decrease libido as well as your pain. This can be an easy fix by changing medicines or doses, but it does not always fix things. Many of the common medicines which effect the sex drive are Cymbalta, Savella, SSRI antidepressants such as Paxil and Zoloft. Pain is not the only cause, but anxiety and depression alone can cause the decrease of a sex life (WebMD, 2014). I have personally experienced all of these symptoms. As discussed in my previous article, I have been through most of the medicines I mentioned as well. So I can agree with the above statements. I am currently not on any pain medicines but I do occassionally have to take Ativan (anxiety medicine). When I was taking some of the above, I found myself with absolutely no sex drive. Now that I dictate when and what I take, I have more control of my sex life.

There’s Hope!- Don’t let FM steel your romance…

What can be done you ask?

Here are 10 tips to help your improve your sex life!

1. Take a Relaxing Bath

Soaking in the bath before and/or after can help ease the pain and discomfort long enough for you to enjoy sex. Try adding some epson salt to help even more to relax your muscles.

2. Low Impact Exercise

Exercise can help to boost your endorphins which allows for less pain. It’s not always possible, and not always for everyone. I’d recommend starting with some water aerobics and maybe a nice slow walk at the park.

3. Try Relaxing Sexual Positions

Keep in mind, sex does not have to be “this particular way”. Work with your partner. Be OPEN to positions that might be easier on your body.

4. Take Your Time

Take Time- Don’t be in a rush, it takes work with your partner to find what works best for both parties. Prepare emotionally and physically instead of just rushing in and out of sex.

5. Doctor your symptoms!

 If you deal with low back pain, it has been shown to be easier for your partner on top or lying to the side. If you have worse hip pain, try using a pillow between your knees or under your hips. This helps stabilize your body during sex (WebMD, 2014).

6. Make the best of it

Try to keep your mind, body and soul in the moment. Keep in mind that this can be a therapy!

7. Stay Positive

It takes work for all couples. Even couples without FM factors have to work on their sex lives. The real world is not like the movies. Keep working at it!

8. Pleasure rather than frequency

Though FM may cause for sex less often, it does not mean that you cannot enjoy it. Don’t think that just because you have less sex that it has to be less pleasurable.

9. Listen to your body

Figure out when you feel the best. I know this is not an easy feat, but it is possible! Do you feel better in the mornings or after you relax in the evenings?

10. Most IMPORTANT- Don’t give up!

This is too important to your relationship. Don’t let this disease dictate your happiness. I know this is hard, but if you keep pushing towards the common goal, you will reach it! DON’T GIVE UP on your partner!

In Closing

I am not a Sex Expert. I am not even a fibromyalgia expert. However, I have dealt with many of the issues that Fibro can have on your sex life and the goal of this article is to encourage you to not give up. I am sure I missed some things, I know that some of these tips might not be for everyone. If you have a good Doctor please consult with him/her about trying anything new. If you don’t have a good doctor you may want to read this article: Your Doctor May Be Wrong and What To Do About It.

I’d love to hear from you. Would you please share in the comments below what has worked for you? Remember that you are not alone and the more we can help each other realize that, the more we can learn together how to beat this horrible condition. If you found this article helpful and you know of someone else that would find it beneficial as well please share it

Stay Strong!